How to be a Submissive Wife

posted in: Ask Dr. Heavenly | 10
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]I am a proud wife. Being married to Dr. Damon Christian Kimes is one of my greatest accomplishments, and I take pleasure in serving him. I think of him as the leader of my heart and home. I want to say first and foremost I am NOT perfect I have made many mistakes and have learned from them in my business and in my relationship. Yes, I am a very successful doctor, own multiple businesses, an author, with a real estate license, etc., but I don’t carry over that “boss” mentality into my household. Let me be perfectly clear, submission does not mean I’m his slave actually in the bible it means to “support” and certainly submission does not mean going against my morals. I will not simply just go along with something I believe is wrong or immoral, for the sake of being a “submissive wife.”  Submissiveness simply means being humble, and engaging in a positive dialogue with your husband. It means maintaining your own dignity, while helpfully cooperating with your husband in building the family. With all of that being said, I do enjoy serving my husband, and here are some tips of how to maintain a healthy, happy relationship.

  1. Have a hot meal ready for your man when he gets home from work. Let’s face it, I’m a busy woman, and I don’t always have time to cook. But if I don’t think I’ll have the time that night, I’ll have my cook prepare something, or I will pick something up.
  2. Don’t be a prude in the bedroom. Of course, I am not encouraging you to go out and have a threesome, BUT keep an open mind to the new things that your husband wants to try. Don’t be so quick to say “no.” Take pleasure in pleasing your man. And please, try not to ever go to sleep angry.
  3. Don’t be a nag. You don’t always have to have response. As women, we like to give our opinions, often times, unwarranted. It’s OK to not have a comment. Pick and choose your battles if it’s not that important – let it go! Your husband does not want to hear your opinion 24/7, especially when using a loud, high-pitched tone (that some of us like to use).
  4. Show him your appreciation. You can catch more bees with honey than you can with vinegar. Be kind, and polite to your husband, and he will reciprocate. Show him that you are thankful for all that he does. Make your words soft and sweet. You won’t be disappointed with the results you’ll get.
  5. Follow his lead. You married your husband for a reason, right? Hopefully you trust him enough to make the important decisions in your household. Again, don’t go with things that are immoral, or wrong, but definitely always remember to make him feel like he wears the pants.
  6. Your career does NOT come first. I have a super busy schedule, especially now that I am a cast member on Bravo’s “Married to Medicine.” However, when I get home from work, I turn my phone off. I am there to get my kids off the bus. Family time is very important to me. I cherish those moments.
  7. Look sexy for him. It is so important to look good for your man. Know what your man likes, and what he thinks is attractive. I realized recently that this is MOST important! Try to keep yourself in shape and put together.
  8. Let him know it’s OK for him to be stressed. Because he is the man and is expected to take on a lot of things and it can sometimes get stressful for him. Men aren’t always good at expressing themselves when they are stressed or depressed. Let him know that it’s OK to feel that way, and make yourself emotionally available.
  9. Marry someone you genuinely admire and find easy to respect. When you admire the man you chose to marry, it doesn’t feel like a chore when you’re accommodating him. It will be something you want to do. You’ll want to give him the respect he deserves.
  10. Get a support system. Surround yourself with people who are like you, or people who support your lifestyle. There is nothing worse than a friend who doesn’t agree with your lifestyle trying to give you advice. There is nothing wrong with being a submissive wife, and your closest friends should be people who aren’t judging you for it!

10 Responses

  1. Jamila
    | Reply

    I agree with what is being said. That is a recipe for a long and happy marriage. I’ve been married for 14 years and my approach to my marriage is the same. Hubby is king and I humbly support him. Yes, I work and go to school, but taking care of my husband is my priority.

  2. LaTonya
    | Reply

    Thank you Dr. Heavenly, finally a proper lady that feels exactly like I do. Yes!!! My man likes when I crawl behind him begging for his forgiveness when I do or say something he doesn’t like. It’s our “thing.” Thanks!

  3. lena
    | Reply

    great mind set keep on keeping on YOU GO GIRL

  4. Nene
    | Reply

    You are such an inspiration. Thank you for the quick tips. Much appreciation. May God continue to bless you for all that you consistently do for so many.

  5. Deborra
    | Reply

    I just love Dr. Heavenly. Im just like her with my Husband. I prayed for the whole package and it came to me when I didn’t see it coming. He also prayed and God told him I was the one. We catch hell when we got engaged. Putting God first and husband, family, career in that order is the only way it will work. I made a promise to God and I must keep that promise and Praise him and live right. I have gotten so many Blessings doing so.
    Thank you Dr. Heavenly
    keep your real story line going we need it as newly weds.

  6. Girlfriend
    | Reply



    Submit = Greek hupotasso. Better translated “to identify with” — “to be in support of”

    Recent scholarship has made clear the understanding the people to whom these letters were written would have of hupotasso, the word translated submit. It is critical that the Biblical meaning of the word become the standard and that we rid ourselves of inaccurate and misleading understanding through faulty translation. Indeed the English word “submit” is properly translated by hupeiko, with dative “submit to”.

    The New Testament word hupotasso is a common word meaning to be in support of and was used of attached/appended (supporting) documents in the postal system.

    In the context of biblical relationships between men and women, the best meaning of hupotasso is “to identify with or support” (This is an incredibly strong and all-encompassing thought.) It has nothing to do with being subordinate to, secondary to, or subject to. The correct meaning is especially important and clear when considered against the cultural backdrop, that is to say, when it is understood in the light of the marriage customs and the culture of the people to whom Paul was writing.

    (See Bauer’s Greek-English Lexicon; Dr. S. Hyatt, In the Spirit We’re Equal, 255-59; Edwin Stewart, Submission and Headship: Our Ridiculous Interpretation, and Drs. E. & S. Hyatt, Who’s the Boss?

  7. yolanda
    | Reply

    It is easy to submit to a man like yours. He is intelligent, an excellent provider, hopefully he’s good in bed. Child what else can a woman ask for?

  8. Niki
    | Reply

    Well explained Dr. Heavenly! Blessed Lady!

  9. Quay
    | Reply

    Thank you Dr.Heavenly for opening up my eyes so when I do get married I can establish this into my relationship and married.

  10. Mark
    | Reply

    Hi Dr. H,
    I’ve never made it a habit in responding to venues like this but, I must say that I applaud you for your story.

    There was a time when I was married. Looking back on that now…I tried my best to be a good husband and provider. I’ve always felt that it my place to make the tough lead and protect my family. I know my place…like taking out the trash everyday, home, vehicle, and yard maintenance, doing all the things that I, as a man, was trained to do. My wife would do the domestic chores inside our home. I worked at a job outside the home and she chose to stay home and look after her kids. As men and women, we all have our place and responsibilities in building and caring for our families. My marriage went under due to her jealousy because I worked overseas as a civilian supporting military operations so I was gone from home for 6 months at a time. I had to endure daily accusations that I was probably cheating on her even though none of it was true. I was faithful and dedicated to my wife because I loved her. My work time away from home was a trade-off I had to make in order to support my wife and her kids even when the economy was in shambles.

    I’m single by choice now and I still work in a combat zone. I ended the marriage because it was more strain than I could handle while working 12 hours a day…7 days a week…and try to survive in a combat zone. My wish is to come home one day and find one good woman that believes in how it should be done…I would consider this my greatest accomplishment. Thank you for giving me to opportunity to chime in.



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